The Most Difficult Season of Parenting

When I gave birth to my children, I couldn’t imagine anything more difficult than caring day and night for these tiny creatures who could only cry to communicate their needs.  I thought surely nothing could be more brutal than being sleep deprived and “on call” 24/7 to tend to their every need.  Then, before I could blink twice these babies were teenagers with all the challenges that entailed.  I decided the “baby” thing wasn’t so bad and this must surely be the most difficult challenge I could face as a parent.  Both children survived the teen years and now are adults.  Surely, it gets easier to be a mom now, right?  Now I find myself in a very strange place as a parent of adult children.  The greatest challenge I believe is this season because it represents a culmination of all of the seasons before. 

As the parent of adult children, I no longer get to “vote” about what it is they do with their lives, their children, their spouses, their career choices, their education, their homes, their spiritual lives, etc.  The list is endless and the “job description” of being a mom at this stage is in a constant state of evolution.  As a parent, I am no longer a caretaker, teacher, and disciplinarian.  Instead, I am a source of emotional support, a mentor, and an advisor.  I can not rescue, and I must stand silently and prayerfully by as natural consequences play out in the lives of my children.  I am allowed to mentor and give advice only when asked, and then the “vote” is in the hands of the child to accept or reject what I have shared. 

The thing that never changes is the unconditional love.  That is truly bittersweet because getting hurt at this stage hurts more than ever, but the joys are also “over the top” sweet indeed!  How does a parent survive this phase?  Well, this is a work in progress, but I know for sure that I could never do this alone.  I rely more than ever on the guidance of the Lord through His Holy Spirit to give me the right words, the right actions, the ability to be silent, and most of all the ability to trust that through Him it will all be OK. 

~Winnie

Lessons from a Hummingbird Rescue

 

My daughter has always loved animals and has an especially tender heart for the weak and injured.  The following is an account in her own words of a recent encounter with a very weak little hummingbird:

“I was out on the back porch cleaning when I heard a buzzing up towards the ceiling. It was a hummingbird clinging to some insulation with its head drooped backwards. I climbed on the freezer and scooped her up. She was barely hanging on. I hurried into the house and mixed up some sugar water in a little bowl as fast as I could with one hand (hummingbird in the other) then rushed back out to feed her. All the while begging her to hold on and feeling for her little heartbeat on my fingers. We made it outside and I sat and gave her a spoonful of food. At first she did nothing but suddenly she started lapping it up like crazy. I sat there feeding her for what seemed like an hour... probably really only 5-10 min. Gracie got to see the little hummer "come to" and fly away. So cool to get to help that beautiful little bird! Thank you Lord!!” – Jillian Roberts

As I read this story, I felt great pride in my daughter for the way she loves and cares for all the people and creatures in her life. I also find that there are some important lessons to be learned from this simple yet profound life event. 

Lesson #1:  Pay attention to the world around you.  The small things are often very important and easy to miss, and yet, they are often the greatest treasures and learning experiences.    

Lesson #2:  Don’t be too quick to give up on a situation, even if it seems on the surface to be hopeless.  God often takes the most unlikely person in the most hopeless of situations and uses it for a miracle that can only be credited to Him.  All God requires of us is that we trust Him and that we don’t give up too quickly.  

Lesson #3:  Making a difference means we must be willing to step (or climb) out of our comfort zone.  Climbing up to retrieve a tiny bird and knowing quickly what to do to give it a fighting chance was God-inspired and yet required effort beyond any comfort zone I can imagine.  How often do we look the other way when others need our help because it just doesn’t fit into our schedule or our self-determined set of skills to handle a situation?  God knows the need and the way to handle it.  All He asks is that we be willing and available for Him to work through us.  We don’t have to have all the answers but we do have to trust the One who does!

Lesson #4:  Our action is our example (positive or negative) to someone else about how we care for others.  My granddaughter was incredibly blessed to witness her mother’s gentle but determined “rescue” efforts for that tiny bird.  The lesson she learned about compassion will stay with her forever! 

Lesson #5:  We all reach a point in life where we are like that little hummingbird – exhausted, helpless, and desperate for someone to come along and give us a helping hand, encouraging word, spiritual nourishment, etc.  Once we are well enough to “fly” again, we need to be mindful of other “hummingbirds” that we may meet who are in need of a rescue.  We need to be ready and willing to provide assistance, sustenance, and encouragement to those we come across who are just barely hanging on so that they can continue their journey to fulfill the purpose that God has for them. 

God uses many situations to teach us life lessons.  I marvel at the way He used a tiny hummingbird and my daughter’s tender heart to reveal so much about living intentionally and with compassion.  If we offer ourselves up as willing servants to the One who can do all things, then great things can be accomplished as we become the Lord’s hands and feet in this world.  There are always plenty of “hummingbirds” out there who need a tender touch, a dispensation of compassion, and the grace of a Savior to help them regain their place in life’s journey.  Keep your eyes and ears open – you never know when God will have something special for you to do! 

Blessings and Peace -- Winnie

When Believing is the "Do More"

Some people say they need to experience God before they will believe in Him.  I need to believe in Him so that I may experience Him.  How about you?  Are you struggling because it has been a while since you felt God's presence?  Do you find yourself wavering in your faith because you feel alone?  You're wondering how God could allow His people to hurt you and prosper?

I remember watching films of the Holocaust when I was a young girl.  Growing up in a Jewish family was wonderful but the 'we must teach our young about the Holocaust so that it must never happen again' mindset of my teachers really did a job on me.  The visuals they showed us of real Nazi footage still haunts me to this day.  These images were not just a movie, nicely edited so that the viewer could withstand the horror.  They were real films made by the Nazis to document their evil.

Last week I felt my heart wanting to jump out of my chest when I saw an angry German Shepherd dog being held back by his owner.  The vision brought my mind straight back to the footage as I remembered the dogs rounding up women and children of the Holocaust like cattle.  My mind had held the images and the fear.

I always find that my faith takes a hit after a trigger like this.  My doubts of a loving and all powerful God attempt to take over.  The enemy uses this time to barrage me with "what ifs".  What if my family had lived in Poland like so many of our relatives did at that time?  What if anti-semitism continues to be on the rise?  If God can allow that, what if He really doesn't exist?

Yes, I am being honest here...this is where my mind goes.  But the good news is, my mind is not in control. Some of you may be thinking ..."dah, it never has been Susan".  Yes, I normally lead with my heart, but that is not what I am saying here.  I know that my brain is just a organ of my body.  It holds my memories and experiences and will even bring them back to me at the most inopportune time.  However, I believe that it is my spirit that is accountable for how I lead my life and my faith.  In the words of my friend, Dr. Waggoner, 'I am a spirit in charge of a body, not a body in charge of a spirit'.

It is this 'Spirit Man' inside me that chooses to believe in God.  It tells my brain not to fear, to believe in God's word and to trust Him in all things.  It tells me that because I have given my life to YeShua, Jesus, I am a new creation.  My spirit is empowered by the Holy Spirit that lives within me.  My mind still searches for answers about how we as humans can hurt each other so completely.  I may never understand how friends betray one another, putting loyalty onto people instead of standing for truth and justice.  I certainly will never understand the Holocaust.  It may be one of the first subjects I ask about when I get to heaven. Yet I choose to believe first, living with intention to be fixed on His goodness and love.

I know that we highlight Patty's words, "do more than believe".  I think she meant "do more than causally say you are a believer'....  Sometimes choosing to believe in the face of pain and disappointment is the "do more" of which she was speaking.  I find that when I choose to believe, the experiences of God come...as I watch for them, and He never disappoints.

Punishment or Discipline?

 “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.^” – Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

Anyone who has parented a child knows they need correction from time to time.  Some kids are strong-willed and always seem to be a challenge while others are very mild-mannered and “easy” when it comes to the need for discipline.  Children don’t come with directions, but they need lots of direction from us as parents.  Even the most easygoing child requires boundaries and will test the limits that he or she is given.  Strong-willed children can be an exceptional challenge because they test limits often and with vigor.  However, all children regardless of temperament need boundaries and want limits in spite of the protests they may raise.  There is no perfect child and there are no perfect parents, but as parents we should ask ourselves if we correct our children using punishment or discipline.  One might wonder if there really is a difference between the two.  Yes, there absolutely is! 

Punishment is defined as suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution, a penalty inflicted on an offender through judicial procedure, and severe, rough, or disastrous treatment.  When one punishes, it is done in a reactive mode.  Discipline, however, is defined as training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character, orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior, and self-control.  

-Winnie

“Hills and Valleys, Stop Signs and Detours”

My good friend Patty had a gift for finding wisdom and inspiration even on a routine commute home from a long day at work. Her words are powerful and serve as the inspiration for my writing today. "Tonight on my way home from work I was in awe of the pretty sunset. I noticed that when I went down a hill into a deep valley I couldn't see how beautiful it was. Then I came to the top of the hill and there it was again even brighter and more wonderful. It came to mind how in life when we are in the valley we can't always see the beauty of life but from the mountain top 'wow what a view!'....Just keep rollin down the road!" (Patty Berry Rhodes) The journey we call “life” is rarely a straight smooth road for very long. I believe that God doesn’t want us to become too fond of this earthly existence because He has such wonderful things in store for us in Heaven. That said, we are definitely in this life for some period of time and must journey over whatever road is ahead of us. I love the smooth stretches of life; those times when things are going well, relationships are stable and healthy, our physical health is good, our children are well-behaved, and the grocery store is consistently stocking that brand of coffee that makes morning so much better. Then there are those “other” times in life. The road gets crooked and one must pause at a series of stop signs or take a detour. We’ve all been there. That great job is gone, that marriage hits a rocky spot, a loved one dies, plans for that dream home crumble, or maybe we simply find ourselves questioning our purpose in life wondering what it is we are supposed to be doing next. Most of the class of 2012 has marched across the stage receiving a diploma, certificate, or degree of some sort. With the possible exception of the kiddos graduating from kindergarten, most are filled with a mix of excitement, uncertainty, and even outright fear about the future. We are excited about the future, but long to have that stability of what we have always known. We want the adventure of a road with twists and turns, but really want the security of that perfectly flat four-lane highway absent rush hour traffic of course! The reality is that we will have more of the hills and valleys and stop signs and detours than perfect driving conditions. We will have the unexpected curve of a job loss in the midst of a “life-storm” that nearly makes visibility impossible. The good news is that we never have to face the difficult journey alone. God is always there to help us navigate the stop signs and detours, the hills and valleys, and the storms and sunshine days that await us. We have to rely on Him when all logic may say that we should hit the brakes and pull over on the side of the road. The problem with pulling over is that at some point, you must start your engine, hit the gas, and hit the road once again. It is often much better to slow down and keep on course as best you can asking God for help in finding your way. If circumstances cause you to stop, those same circumstances will be tough to overcome in starting up again so don’t stop unless absolutely necessary. Above all else, remember this; the view from the top of the hill is always well worth the journey through the valley! Be Blessed Today and Always -- Winnie

Living with Intent or Living Intentionally?

Living with Intent or Living Intentionally? I began reflecting on these two very similar yet different words this morning and my reflection poses the following question – Do we live with intent or intentionally? The word “intent” is a noun. Nouns are nice words pretty much, but they are also passive giving a name to a person, place, or thing. The word “intentionally” is an adverb that answers a “how, when, or where” question. So… the question remains. Do we live with intent or are we living intentionally? When I think of the word “intent,” I am reminded of that familiar quote that goes something like this; “the road to ruin is paved with good intentions.” Intent without action is only an idea that is inert. However, when we do something intentionally, that implies a much more active role and there is an action that follows toward an objective or goal. I have had the honor of knowing several individuals that live and have lived very intentionally, but two women always come to mind first when I think of this concept; Patty Berry Rhodes and Wendy Warren. Both of these dear friends have left this life, but they did not leave without leaving their mark. Patty passed away suddenly and Wendy passed away after a long illness; however, both women lived intentionally and were on a constant quest for purpose and making a difference in their lives and the lives of people they encountered. Just weeks before her death, Wendy wrote these words: “If we are here for one another, why don’t we treat our fellow human beings better? Why are we selfish? Why then do we mostly worry about ‘ourselves’ and making sure we ‘got ours’? If God created us to live on Earth in particular and care for one another….why don’t we do that better? After all, we are given such a short time on Earth to accomplish that goal.” Patty’s wrote some pretty profound stuff only about a year before her death as well. “God has a plan for you and not living with God as your best friend and at your full potential is worse than building an 800 horse power engine and never starting it. Be all God made you to be.” Patty and Wendy never met, and they went to Eternity to be with the Lord under totally different circumstances, yet I find it absolutely astounding that both wrote with a common urgency and theme. We really are here for such a short time and there is so much to do. Do we sit around and ponder the intent, or do we step out and live intentionally? Do we admire that great engine, or do we turn the key and start it up to begin the journey? We have all been blessed and gifted by God with a finite amount of time in this life to accomplish something. We may not find that cure for cancer or write that best-selling book; however, if we strive each day to live intentionally for the cause of Christ, we will accomplish great things for the One who matters most. Be Blessed Always…. Winnie

"A Heart Full of Tools"

My dear friend and Sister in Christ, Patty Rhodes once wrote these words for Easter, 2011…

“My heart is Full! My heart is Joyful, My heart is Content! My heart is Hopeful! When bad times arrive (and they always do) I have a heart that is Full of Tools. I am equipped with The Spirit that can take on even the worst of trials! This undeniable feeling Christians have when they walk with the Lord is impossible to disclaim. You can’t help but feel Him. He is alive and well.” --- (Patty Berry Rhodes)

Patty is spending her first Easter in Heaven this year, and I can’t comprehend her joy and what she must be experiencing. Meanwhile, here in this life, we struggle sometimes to muddle through the day to day experience of living with its joys, trials, sorrow, tragedy, peace, and frustration. Life is truly a mixed bag of the wonderful and the awful and everything in between.

As I think about a “heart full of tools,” my mind tends to view the heart in the physical sense and in the spiritual realm. Our physical heart is the vital organ that circulates our blood and feeds all the other organs. The spiritual heart (soul) governs our thoughts, actions, feelings, and the way that we perceive, interpret, and cope with the circumstances of our life. Most importantly, it is our spiritual heart that communicates with God. When I look at the “tools” of this spiritual heart, I realize that there are so many one can possess. Love, faith, hope, joy, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, gratitude, etc. are the first that come to my mind. These are the “tools” that we can use to do great things and serve the Lord and others in positive and meaningful ways. They are also the tools that we use to strengthen our bond with God in the most joyful and sorrowful times in our life.

There are other “tools” of the spiritual heart that are present and can be very deadly if overused or if used at all. Anger, discouragement, sadness, hate, hopelessness, bitterness, resentment, etc. are those “tools” that I think of as having the potential for very negative consequences. As flawed humans, our constructive and destructive “tools” co-exist in us and we have the freedom of choice that God gives to use any of the “tools” in our spiritual heart. We can build up or tear down just about anything with our “tools” – relationships, other individuals, groups of people, ourselves, etc. Sometimes what we manage to tear down or fail to build up can be built or restored at a later point; however, there is no guaranteed success in that approach.

I prefer, instead, to utilize my positive uplifting “tools,” and keep the others secured away so that they don’t get in the way of what I want and need to do to be a light in this world to show others the way to Christ. There is so much wisdom in what Patty wrote one year ago. I challenge you to consider the “tools” of your spiritual heart and use the ones that will do more building and growing for God’s glory.

Blessings and Peace… Winnie

"Don't go Borrowing Trouble!"

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” – Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

Patty often cautioned those around her against “borrowing trouble”, and I am sure the basis for her advice was probably inspired by the passage of scripture from the book of Matthew. This passage of scripture is an excerpt from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount where His teaching on the subject of worry is very direct and beautifully illustrated. I often recall Patty’s words and remind myself of Jesus’ teachings when I feel the “worry monster” overwhelming me.

Do we have a human tendency to worry? Oh yes! Are any of us perfect enough to say in all honesty that we never worry? Oh no! There are plenty of circumstances in life to provoke us to worry constantly if we so choose. Will I keep my job? How am I going to pay for college for my kids? Will I be able to afford gas to get to work if prices go any higher? Where will my family and I live if the bank forecloses on our home? All of these issues and more are certainly cause for concern, but we have a choice. We can live in the land of worry and “what if” scenarios or choose a healthy level of caution and proactive living and enjoy the blessings of our everyday lives. If we are able to keep the time spent in worry and outright fretting to a minimum, our lives have room for those things that really matter.

If we don’t “borrow trouble”, then we are bound to be much healthier. Chronic worry feeds chronic stress, which leads to a watershed of physical and psychological problems. High blood pressure, heart disease, stomach problems, depression, sleep disorders, and so much more all have ties to a lifestyle of high levels of chronic stress and worry. In essence, worry will not add that additional hour to our life; it can even shorten our life. I believe that is why Jesus was so adamant in His teaching on that subject.

When I reflect on those times that I spent fretting over a situation (usually something out of my control), I wonder how much of that time could have been spent finding joy. I wonder how many times I missed hearing a bird sing or watching a beautiful sunset. How many times did I miss the music in the laughter of a child? As I grow a little older and wiser and closer to God in my faith walk, I realize it is the small things of joy that should take priority over needless worry. After all, God is there to supply our needs and care for us in times of trouble. Who are we to tell Him in our fretting and worry that He is not big enough to handle that? Live in an attitude of intentional joy and “don’t go borrowing trouble!” Wise advice from a dear friend and mentor. Thanks Patty….

Be Blessed Always -- Winnie

"Do not compromise your witness. Let your light continue to shine."

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. -- Philippians 2:14–15 (ESV)
This scripture jumped out at me as I contemplated composing this blog. A Facebook friend shared it as his post for the day with the comment, “Do not compromise your witness. Let your light continue to shine.” Those words are simple and straightforward, yet adhering to them as a standard in everyday life is not always easy.
I think of my friend, Patty, as I read this scripture and know that she stayed the course as she lived, worked, loved, played, painted, and journeyed through this life. Patty would be the first to tell you that she wasn’t always a bright light, but I admired her spunk and ability to see herself honestly and, if needed, extend an apology if she thought for a minute that she had done something to compromise her witness. In our last Sunday school session before Patty died, she talked about “losing it” with the doctors during a very stressful episode in her son’s recent hospitalization and surgery. It was an intense time for her and yet, she sheepishly told us that she went back to the family and patient next to her son, and apologized for her “bad attitude” during her son’s crisis. How many of us would do the same? I place myself in that situation and can not in all honesty say I would think to apologize to a perfect stranger for doing what comes naturally for a mom – protecting her young. However, that anecdote from Patty’s life has given me pause to think more intentionally about my attitudes in so much of my life and interactions with others.
If we are to truly do more in living out the purpose God has given us, we must live the words of the Apostle Paul written centuries ago to the Philippian church. One can only surmise that the people in this church struggled with their actions and attitudes as Christians just as we do today. We know that God sees our hearts and actions, and that alone is reason to be uncompromising in our witness. However, the stranger on the street or in that long checkout line at the store is also watching. The way we handle the mundane irritations and frustrations in life on our worst days may be the critical witness for others in their journey to the cross and salvation. I am challenged to be more mindful of my attitudes and behavior as I go through this life. My prayer is that God through His Holy Spirit will prompt, rebuke, and refine me to be that shining light in this world so others may find their way to the cross and a relationship with the Lord.

~Winne

"Do More Than Just Believe!"

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28 (NLT)

Patty Berry Rhodes was one of those folks who often used just a few words packed with a spiritual punch of meaning and inspiration. “Doing more” was not just a cliché for Patty, it was her mantra and captured the essence of her faith walk and service in this life as a disciple of Christ.

As I pondered and prayed over how to compose this first of what is hoped to be many blogs, the words of the Apostle Paul kept coming to mind. It is a familiar passage of scripture, and it also aligns perfectly with the message of “doing more” and being very intentional in the way we live. Paul and Patty had at least two things in common. Both were very bold in their faith and intentional in the way that they lived.

When one lives with intention, faith, and a desire to serve out God’s purpose, the end result is a life well-lived and a witness for Christ to anyone who comes in contact with that individual. As I reflect on this quote from Patty and Paul’s written word in Scripture, I see nothing passive in either statement. Believing in and of itself can be a very passive thing. I believed in God years before I became a true follower of Christ. It wasn’t until I fully grasped what it means to be fully devoted to God and the saving grace of the cross that my walk and faith turned into an active process.

Intentional living and “doing more” requires that we make an active choice to answer God’s call and seek continually and purposefully His direction for our life. The sincere heart who seeks to live in concert with the Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 8:28 will receive direction and prompting to do more than sit passively and watch life happen. Christ followers are purposeful and find joy in using their talents, time, and treasure to live in such a way that others see that joy and engage in the pursuit of spiritual discovery. Essentially, they look at the lives of people like Patty and say to themselves, “I want whatever it is that she has!” True faith lived out in actions rather than words alone will get the attention of others.

May God bless you this day and always… Winnie

The Launching of Intentional Living

In reflecting on what it truly means to live with intention and to honor Patty Berry Rhodes, the inspiration for this page, the following quote serves as the first post. May these words inspire and challenge us all to live intentionally and successfully....

"To have laughed often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -- Ralph Waldo Emersonnbsp;